Claire Lily

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Red Flags – Not them, but me!

I saw this posted today and just had to write something about it.

How many of us have been in a relationship where we make excuses for the other person and their behavior? I know I have, many times over, and not just romantic partners either! Friends, family members, co-workers. The list goes on.

WHY DO WE DO THIS, WHY DO WE MAKE EXCUSES FOR THOSE WHO SURELY SHOULD BE CALLED OUT?

I have a couple of theories.

When I asked myself this question, my instant answer was, ‘I chose this relationship and I am dammed if I am going to be proven wrong.’ What the ‘s&^# was I thinking? In hindsight, I knew that they weren’t right for me, but my ego wouldn’t allow me to be seen as a failure, again!

Loyalties. I felt I had to continue the relationship out of loyalty. Sometimes you need to look at people in your life and decide whether you would choose them as friends. Over the years red flags were waving ferociously at me, many of them, still my loyalty stayed firm. But even after decades of increased numbers of red flags, a couple finally caught my attention and then the rest slotted their messages into place. Not a nice or easy thing to admit.

Once I had actually severed ties, I had friends come up to me saying things like:

  • ‘they were never right for you, you know!’
  • ‘how on earth did you put up with them that long?’
  • ‘took your time to figure them out!’

WOW!

These so-called friends all saw me as some kind of mug, an idiot, yet never said anything, I guess because they knew I wouldn’t listen and would come to my senses in my own time.

Perhaps people are scared of being on their own. so having a relationship that is not right is better than not having one at all! Funny, when you read that, it sounds pathetic doesn’t it? So how do we stop? Is there a magic potion? Not in the apothecary sense, but there is a way to understand yourself and your situation a little better.

Grab a cuppa, sit down and we can talk. Together we will pull some cards and unravel these knots to discover the driving force behind these self-perpetuating red flags, and some explore some avenues of how they can be removed.

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